It's not just me!

What I like about blogging is you just happen upon random other blogs. I'll admit that I have quickly scooched past the All-American Family/Emo teenager/christian worship ones but one or two have caught my eye.

I am currently loving http://crummymummywhodrinks.blogspot.com/ . At a guess, I'd say we're a similar age (okay so she's probably a teensy bit younger) but unlike me she's pregnant with her second child... and she's not adapting well!

I love the fact she is seen as a bad mother by the not-so-crummy-mummies because she arranged her child's birthday party on the same day as the school charity fete [does she have no community loyalty?!??!] and I too have had the same thoughts over why the cleaner feels the need to clean EVERYTHING with kitchen roll rather than the reusable jay-cloths that are lovingly left for her.

To be honest, I do know a lot of people who have these moments but it's always fun getting a bit validation for being just a tiny bit crazy-lady every once in a while.

So let's put it out there, because I can't be the only one to do these things:

1 - saying 'thank you' in a very loud voice when someone lets a door slam in your face rather than holding it open for you.

2 - saying 'please' in a sarcastic manner when someone pushes past you on the train muttering 'excuse me' in a really pious voice. [this did result in a rather humourous exchange with a business man the other day who was slightly embarrassed when i did this and apologised blaming it on being tired....]

3 - picking up the cigarette packet/fast food wrapper/similar litter that someone drops in the street and giving it back to them saying in a most helpful way 'I think you dropped this...'.

An ex-boyfriend told me off for doing this to a group of teenagers who threw their Macdonald's packets out of their stationary car at a bus stop in Blackheath. I gave them their rubbish back and boyfriend dragged me away chastising me that it wouldn't be me they would turn-on it would be him. I wouldn't have minded but said ex-boyfriend was built like a shed and the average age of the 4 pimply children in the car was around 18 and had a combined weight of around 10 stone. Pah wimp!

Anyway, enough of that, I really should get busy, work to do... wedding to organise.... oh yes, and on that note, at what point does organising a wedding automatically allow you to be dubbed 'bridezilla'?

It's a no-win situation... if you do talk about it, then you're a bridezilla, if you don't talk about it (because I'm the first to admit that, like babies, your wedding is far more interesting to you than to other people) then there must be something wrong - Cue questions like 'Is someone upsetting your bridezilla plans?'

I was dubbed a bridezilla by a colleague because by 6 weeks after the engagement we had booked the church, reception venue and photographer. I thought that was actually being rather organised and a good thing so that I would not turn into a bridezilla and tearing my hair out that everywhere we wanted wouldn't be available if we left it later... go figure.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to be a bridezilla I go.... :o)

Here is the news...An open letter to my friends and family.

1. No, my father has not written us an enormous blank cheque to cover the entire wedding. We're paying for most of it and are doing so by using that radical concept of saving money.

2. No, we didn't choose the day, venue, time to inconvenience you. We chose them because they work for us and it's what we want.

3. It's also entirely our choice on how much we intend to spend on this wedding. It doesn't matter if you spent more or less on your wedding. That worked for you and this will work for us.

4. We're not getting married to try to upstage what you did. Get over yourself.

5. You may think that spending that much on a wedding is a waste of money but we don't. If you feel that strongly about it, don't come.

6. My dress and accessories have been chosen to my own taste. That's because I shall be wearing them. If you don't like them, you don't need to tell me. I wouldn't dream of saying that to another bride so who the hell do you think you are?

7. Likewise, the theme, colours and attendant's outfits have been chosen to our taste so they fit the kind of wedding we would like. Again, if you don't like them, just be polite and smile nicely. I may not have agreed with your choices but I don't remember telling you that.

8. No, you cannot bring your video camera. You are the father of the groom and we would like you to enjoy the day and the attention. Also, you know how much your son hates them. It was an intense bargaining situation to even get a professional booked for the day.

9. I'm sorry if you feel it's expensive for you to attend our wedding. Surely that is the case of most weddings you attend that are not in your home town? Your attendance is not mandatory. You can choose not to come.

10. It's our wedding. We would like our family and friends to be happy for us. If you're not, that's your problem. Please stop making it ours.

I got engaged determined that I wouldn’t turn into one of those Bridezilla-types and so far I think I’m doing okay.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’ve been to plenty of weddings to know what I would and wouldn’t like to have on ‘my special day’ … good god that phrase alone is enough to make a sane person want to hurl… but planning a wedding is like walking through a minefield of choices.

Boyf and I often talk about what we’d like, sorry, just realised I’m not allowed to call him Boyf anymore. The plethora of websites, magazines and wedding forums inform me that he is now to be referred to as H2B. Yes really. As in Husband-to-be. Anyone need a bucket yet? Good, then I’ll continue. So H2B and I … nope, can’t do it. He’s Boyf and that’s how he’ll stay until he graduates to Husb. Right, Boyf and I have discussed cakes, flowers, cars and all the usual stuff and you think you know what you’d like until you read a magazine or go to a wedding fair or log onto a brides forum and find out that nooooooo, you can’t possibly want a beautiful simple wedding with tasteful décor and your favourite people all around you. You don’t really want a nice wedding ceremony with music that means something to you followed by wine, food and dancing interspersed with your friends saying nice things about you both.

Apparently this is all wrong. What you really want is a wedding that people will talk about for centuries to come. A service with real passion and meaning, oh, and tears. Gotta have readings to induce tears. And vomit-inducing vows. What the hell is wrong with ‘for richer for poorer’ and all that? Okay, so I’m not so keen on the ‘obeying’ lark but I think they let you leave that out these days.

What you also really want is the releasing of doves (oh lord kill me now), chocolate fountains, photo booths (I kid you not) and colour co-ordinated EVERYTHING. Your invitations must match the reception décor, which must, in turn, match the shirts of your wedding band. The favours should be meaningful eco-friendly offerings made in a fair-trade commune on the Isle of Skye and delivered to you by carrier pigeon.

You will dance the first dance of your life in front of cheering friends and family, for which you will have spent a fortune receiving lessons from the camp/slutty/boisterous* one off Strictly Come Dancing (*delete as applicable depending on your budget) and whilst it seems great at the time, the wedding DVD will indicate that it was actually the most cringe worthy 3 minutes of your entire life… even if you live to be 100 years old.

But what worries me most is that all these magazines are making me believe that I should be doing all these things even though every bone in my body is screaming not to.

I’ve ordered a dress that I fell in love with the minute I saw it. It’s not your usual long flowing bridal dress. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding and seen anything similar to it ever. It’s a bit different and a bit quirky, still very weddingy but just a bit more suiting to my personality. I’ve tried on cage veils as I’m not really a long veil person and they look fabulous. But 3 weeks on I’m being brainwashed into panicking that I’ve really screwed up quite badly. This is my chance to look like a princess, to wear something I’ll never wear like this again in my life. I’m supposed to ooze sophistication, class and be trussed up tighter than I can possibly imagine rather than be comfortable and a bit different. I’m having a real crisis – I’m not sure if I like my dress and I’m damn sure I don’t like the jacket I’ve ordered. Why the hell did I do it? Apparently this is normal (according to the forums of mental brides I have trawled) but I didn’t sign up for normal!

And then there is my chosen scent for the day. The special scent I will remember forever to remind me of the day. What the heck?!?!? I’ve never heard anything so mad. Yes ladies, according to the magazines (which are every bride’s bible over these coming months) you should have a special scent, a complete makeover, a hairstyle that will add 5 years onto your face and a groom so scared of looking scruffy he looks like he has a broom handle inserted somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.

I don’t want or have any of those things. I want to wear my usual perfume. The one I know smells good on me and not like some tarts boudoir. And our first song, well it’s just one we both really like. It’s not necessarily romantic and it certainly doesn’t appear on any ‘first dance’ list I’ve seen. I don’t want to obsess about what colour napkins will match the centerpieces and I don’t want glitter curtains dangling behind the top table. So does that mean I’m not really into my wedding? Does that mean Boyf isn’t the one? What am I doing? Should I be getting married at all? If I’m not an obsessive Bridezilla then am I a proper bride at all?

I guess I’d better log onto the forums and consult my bible to find out…