So when did shoving gak up your nose become so socially acceptable? When did not wanting to shove gak up your nose make you part of the minority?

About a year ago I began to think that i had led an extremely sheltered life. I've never been exposed to drugs in a big way and have never had to make that 'do I? don't I?' decision. Aside from a little bit of the old waccy baccy at university I've never been offered anything or had any friends that were really into anything stronger. There were one or two people at college who enjoyed pills when they went clubbing but that was very much the minority. Someone let a 'dealer' into a big party in our final year and when caught lining up his wares on the kitchen counter with his Tesco Clubcard he was forcibly removed!

So I'm asking myself, am i really boring and do/did I have a terribly unadventurous bunch of friends growing up? NO! Is the resounding and truthful answer. We went clubbing, we got drunk, we did ridiculous things and we had a really good time doing it. I don't remember my student days regretting the things I didn't do or wishing I'd had a better time. I had a good time and aside from the Archers, Vodka and Marlboro Lights, I did it without the aid of artificial stimulant.

I've never really liked the idea of drugs much. Clearly I was that child whom Zammo's smack experience in Grange Hill really did scare enough to not bother going down that route! Seriously though, I've never really seen the attraction and if I'm really honest, I'm a bit of a control freak so being completely out of control in drugs doesn't really appeal.

Anyway, I digress (for a change...). On a very early outing with Boyf and his friends, I was shocked when one of his girlfriends told me that she was giving up coke. It took me a split second to realise she wasn't referring to something you consider during the Pepsi challenge. I won't deny it, I didn't even try to act cool. My eyes were like saucers - at 35 I'd never actually [knowingly] met anyone who took coke. I should have taken this conversation as a warning.

About 9 months later Boyf came home from a stag do and said there had been some white powder flying around. Clearly I wasn't impressed. I made it clear to him then that I didn't like it and I didn't want to be around anyone who did. I didn't know if he had participated in the action but I told him that I was not interested in a relationship with someone who took drugs.

It took well over a year of being with Boyf for me to realise that a significant proportion of his friends took a different view to me. Scoring gak was part of the preparation for an evening out. All of a sudden I was well outside my comfort zone. I chose to ignore it when the conversation went in that direction and never actually saw anything taking place so I could pretend that it hasn't happening.

That was until I became part of the group in my own right rather than just Boyf's girlfriend. Nothing was hidden and I began to get offered some. This was ridiculous! 35 and being offered drugs for the first time... by a similarly aged mum of two. Since then I've noticed that it's constant. There is no party or other social occasion when it doesn't make an appearance. I kid you not, some was brought to my house by friends coming for Sunday lunch with their 3 (yes you read that correctly - THREE) children. They had the manners to say that they knew I didn't partake but wondered if I minded if they did... what am I supposed to say??? I know, I know. It's my house and I should stand up for what I believe in but seriously, you put yourself in that situation. It's tough.

Boyf had the grace to look uncomfortable and politely decline when offered some and our guests retired to the bathroom to powder their noses.

Believe me when I say this is just the tip of the iceberg - your hair would curl if told you some of things I've seen. Last night we went to a really nice BBQ - quite a small affair but for some reason the conversation always came back to gak or pills or something of that description. There were one or two people I didn't know who were in the group and I was embarrassed that they might think this was my way of life too.

The problem I have is that, on the whole, I really like these people. I don't understand them, but I do like them. I keep wondering what they would think if their children were taking drugs or what they would do if they didn't clean up as thoroughly as they thought they had and the baby found some remnants and ingested it. The girls, in particular, I just can't identify with. It's as if they haven't got over the student way of life. The culture that involved far too much drinking, staying up all night and generally behaving badly. We're all hurtling towards 40 now and an awful lot of these guys have children. When will they get over it? Are their lives that boring that it needs pepping up with artificial stimulants? (perhaps somewhat rich from someone with a Marlboro Light habit)

Each time I sit on my hands and bite my lip I'm ashamed of myself for not standing up and saying what I think. Ashamed that they think I'm okay with this and it's normal behaviour. It's not normal, it's really not.

So, you probably think that I'm surrounded by wealthy city types (I mean, it is their kind of thing isn't it) or bored posh idiots. No, I'm not. These are all people who have ordinary jobs, ordinary lives and live in ordinary houses. The kind of people who don't go on flash holidays or run expensive cars. These people shop on the High Street and favour Primark and H&M over Prada and M&S.

My friends look at me in horror when I tell them these stories - which makes me feel better. They're not just doing it for that reason, they too don't move in those kind of social circles. And the irony of that is that some of them are wealthy city types, some of them do come from more privileged families and the best part is that a lot of them are musicians and arty types who traditionally are very much into that culture.

So, what do I do? Keep schtum and say nothing? One day I know I'll have just one or two glasses of vino blanco too many and it will all come out. I was close last night so I switched to soft drinks. When that day comes, my friend, there will be fireworks.